


if i could i would feel nothing

by kelcierose



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Female Peter Parker, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Penny Parker - Freeform, Rape, Rape Recovery, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, im sorry, poor penny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-03-08 11:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18893500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelcierose/pseuds/kelcierose
Summary: "Because she didn't want this. She was only 17, she wasn't ready. She didn't want this, not here, not now, not with him."when an already depressed Penny parker is raped at a party right before she enters her senior year, how will she cope? who will she tell, if she tells at all? how will this devestating event affect her life, and the relationships around her?





	1. the beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> so like the tags say, this is set post homecoming, but before Infinity War or Endgame ('m pretending neither happneed lol)
> 
> WARNING: this fic contains deptictions of sexual assault/rape. if this is triggering, please click away and stay safe! I'll add the warning right before that scene begins fyi, and a note where it ends. 
> 
> this fic has been floating around in my head for months, and I had to get it out. pls know I am in NO WAY glorifying what happenes to Penny, this is a recovery fic with other subplots. 
> 
> anyways, here you go!

Loud music pumped through Penny's veins as she swayed back and forth to the booming bass. She took another swig from her cup, the cheap tequila burning its way down her throat. This party was better than most, due to the fact that it was a back to school one. Everyone was letting loose one last time, before curfews resigned to their stricter times, and homework and homeroom became the main focus. 

The heavy August air hung heavy in Flash's backyard, even in the short shorts and crop top Penny was sporting. It was the final Friday before started back up. She felt the sweat bead up against the back of her neck, and she was regretful that she hadn't thrown her hair in a bun like she'd considered. But she had wanted to look pretty for once. 

Hence the slightly sexier outfit that MJ insisted she looked good in, and her hair hanging in it's curly waves down past her shoulders.

“Hey loser, you look positively miserable.” MJ laughed as she made her way over to her.

“I'm bored, and this is barely doing anything.” Penny gestured to her cup, while MJ chuckled. 

“Don't whine, you just need more, come on.” MJ tugged her hand to hoist Penny up from her corner on the patio deck. 

“Where's Ned when I need him?” she retorted.

“The Philippines, apparently. But don't worry, he'll be back to listen to your sorry ass on Monday.” MJ quipped as they made their way inside and to the kitchen.

“Don't remind me, I'm dreading senior year,” Penny spoke as she studied the spirits in front of her, deciding to help herself to some more tequila, straight. Anything to make me get drunk faster. “I wish I could just skip to graduation.” she finished.

“You're being dramatic, as usual. We have decathlon, and we only four classes this year too! We get out early, which means more Spider-ing for you and that killer internship at the museum for me!” MJ spoke passionately, but glancing at Penny's pinched expression, she could she wasn't selling it.

“Pluuussss we'll go to I-Hop after school on Monday, my treat! Think of it as an incentive for you to have a positive attitude.” MJ said, giving her a pointed look.

Penny rolled her eyes, but nodded anyways. MJ mentioned she was going to the bathroom, but Penny became lost in her thoughts.

This summer hadn't been easy, per say. Hell, the past three years hadn't been easy. Getting powers. Loosing Ben. Grieving Ben. Germany. Stark Internship. Homecoming Sophomore year. May finding out. 

Things had become tense with May since Spider-Girl was unveiled to her, and the past year had been hard on both of them. It wasn't quick fix, May was pissed. Pissed at Penny for lying, and Tony for enabling. It took months for things to settle out, and not without new curfews and rules.

Penny had found herself spending more time with Tony in the past year as well, and the lab at Stark tower (which wasn't sold after all) became like her second home. Tony and Pepper let her stay the night on weekends, and she and Tony would work into the early hours of the morning on suit updates, for both Iron Man and Spider-Girl. They also would work on her webbing amongst many other side projects. It was Penny's personal heaven. 

But then Steve had called, trying to 'amend things', apparently. It was all conference calls and “Sorry, Pen, but can we reschedule this weekend? There's these meetings...” and on and on. Except their were never any rain checks, just broken promises. Penny tried not to be a baby about it, she knew it was important. Getting the Rogues pardoned and the Avengers back together was super vital to the safety of Earth, she knew that. She just didn't know when Captain America had taken her spot in Tony's calendar.

Summer had rolled around, and without school and decathlon to distract her. Penny had began to hang out with MJ more. Ned was great, albeit a little immature. But he was in and out of town so often, that they began to drift. They still texted and sent each other memes and such, but it wasn't really the same. Penny had this pang inside of her from all she'd been through, and Ned was blissfully unaware. It was becoming harder to be around someone so incredibly naive. 

So to MJ she went. She quickly realized they both shared the same dark humor and sarcasm, and secret love for America's Next Top Model. They'd spent their nights binging it in the dark while eating take out, and raiding the corner store underneath MJ's apartment that her dad owned for cheap beer and wine when no one was looking. Penny learned that MJ was kind of a pothead, but she never pressured Penny to try anything she didn't like. She had tried it a few times, but soon realized it wasn't really her thing. 

But drinking, drinking was good. She found that while her metabolism was fast, if she drank enough, she could get totally shitfaced, thank you to some college party her and MJ had spontaneously attended one night back in June. She had staggered and leaned on MJ the whole way back to Penny's apartment, due to May taking another late shift. Giggling and crying at the same time, Penny had puked all over the sidewalk, and MJ had rubbed her back soothingly.  
That had sucked, but she'd learned how to deal with the hangover and figured out her limits. She and MJ had then spent the entire summer getting drunk and laughing their asses off. 

It was dumb, and no adult in her life would approve, she knew that. But it was fun, and what's life without a little teenage rebellion? It's not as if anyone would notice anyways. It was as if Tony had dropped off the face of the earth, he nor Happy returned her calls she left back in May, so she stopped calling. Too caught up in the mess Steve Rogers was behind, she mused. She'd left the suit on the bottom of her closet sometime in June, right around the time she started hanging out with MJ more. She couldn't put it on drunk, nor did she really want to sober. The glitz and glamour of being Spider-Girl died with the phone calls made to Tony. 

May worked nonstop, and when she wasn't, she was out with her boyfriend, Dylan. Penny had met him a few times. He was a fellow nurse at the hospital, tall and handsome, and treated May well. Penny was fine to be left alone anyways, more time for her and MJ to come home stumbling and shitfaced. At times, she'd let herself feel sad and miss May. Miss the way things used to be, but there was no sense in dwelling on the past. It was over and this was her life now.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, Penny looked up suddenly to be met with startling hazel eyes. A boy around her age was staring down at her, pulling Penny from her thoughts. He was taller than her, and well built. Kevin Conners, she recognized him from the lacrosse team, captain. He had messy blonde hair and arresting white teeth that he flashed at her in a smile.

“Hey, Penny, right?” he grinned. 

“Uh, yeah, Hi, what's up?” she half smiled back, her heart racing.  
A cute boy was talking to her? 

“Nothing much, just noticed you were alone and couldn't leave such a pretty girl standing all by herself.” he smirked. 

He was flirting, Penny recognized, with her.

“Oh um, thanks. My friends just in the bathroom.” she sputtered out. He just smiled again.

After formalities, talking with Kevin became easier. He was sweet and funny, and was kind enough to get her a new drink when she finished hers. Penny had caught MJ's eyes a few minutes after sitting down on one of the couches with Kevin, but she gave MJ a nod of assurance, an 'I'm okay' which MJ used as an excuse to go make out with this girl she'd been talking to the past few weeks, Clara.

Penny felt seen, she felt pretty and liked, and being with Kevin felt like being on Cloud 9. However, she also began to feel this tiredness set in her bones, which was weird because she'd slept in till three that afternoon, and it was only 11pm. Her head began to swim, and dizziness overtook her.

“Hey, you okay?” Kevin asked, concern lacing his features. 

“Yeah, 'm just getting tired.” Penny mumbled, it felt like she was drunk, but different, somehow.

“You wanna go lay down somewhere? Why don't we lay go get you somewhere quiet.” Kevin suggested, helping Penny rise from the couch. 

Suddenly, Penny's Spider sense began to blare, but it was like she was underwater. She felt like she was trudging through thick mud, and her legs felt like Jell-O. She was now walking up the stairs, Kevin basically holding her up. They passed multiple couples, a couple drunk guys doing flips off the banister, no one acknowledging them. Soon, the loud music became quieter, and Penny felt herself laying down on something soft, a bed. 

Her senses were going off louder this time, but she was just so tired.

(WARNING: sexual violence ahead!! stay safe kiddos!)

Suddenly, she could feel lips on hers, but she couldn't kiss back. She felt the lips make their way down her throat, while hands roamed her waist, back, ass, and back up to her chest. Her arms felt like lead, but she tried anyway, she tried to push back. Because she didn't want this. She was only 17, she wasn't ready. She didn't want this, not here, not now, not with him. Not with his grimy hands gripping her too tight, with his weight crushing her.

“St'p, pls, st'p, n-no.” she whimpered, but her voice was small, quite. Tears welled in her eyes, because she just wanted it to stop. She just wanted to sleep.

“Shhh, I could tell you wanted this, from the moment we met. You want me, I know you do, baby.” Kevin whispered throatily into her ear as his hands pinned hers down. He continued, and suddenly her shorts were gone. 

She couldn't move, while he did what he did. While he ripped through her, tore through her like she was nothing more than garbage. She felt like such an object, being used, and then eventually, the pain changed. She was empty, but as she glanced down, there was blood. And other things. And she felt like she was going to puke. 

(WARNING lifted!!)

She felt a rough hand force her chin to face him. Dark hazel eyes met her wide brown ones.

“You don't tell anyone, you hear me? No one will believe you anyways, and I'll fucking kill you, you understand?” his voice was as rough as everything else about him, and Penny nodded slowly.

He got up, zipped up his pants, and left. 

Penny layed there, like yesterday's news.


	2. day one of the rest of your life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Today was going to be fine, she told herself. This was awful, and she didn't really know what to do. But she was going to bury her brokenness for right now, put on a smile, and pretend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos!! i'm so excited you guys like it!
> 
> here's chapter 2!

Penny stared at herself in the mirror. It was currently 2:36am, same night. She had pulled herself off the bed after laying there for God knows how long. The dizziness had faded, her metabolism must've finally burned through whatever shit he'd put in her drink. Just a little too late, though. Penny mused that usually it wouldn't have affected her, but perhaps with all her summer drinking, and already being wasted that night, it must've been the tipping point to knock her completely out of it.

She had shot MJ a text about not feeling well, and had hobbled home. May was sound asleep in her room, and Penny was in the bathroom, staring at her bare, battered body.

She had bruises that littered her throat down to the valley of her breasts. Kneecap sized bruises marked themselves on each of Penny's hips, and there were hand prints encircling each of her wrists. Her thighs were a nightmare, and she felt this indescribable kind of pain, like she had a bullet lodged in her gut. She slowly made her way into the shower, and there she stayed for the next 45 minutes. She scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Her skin was raw, but she could still feel it, feel him all over her. His breath, his voice, those daunting hazel eyes. 

notrealnotrealnotrealnotrealnotreal

Because this couldn't possibly be real, it had to be some twisted, fucked up nightmare that Penny was trapped in. As she stood under the blazing hot water, the thought crossed her mind that she should tell someone, tell anyone. But his voice and his words, “I'll fucking kill you.” shook her to her core. Suddenly every moment of her life, from loosing her parents, to being stuck under that cement building seemed less scary. Because nothing was more terrifying than what Kevin Conners had grunted into her ear only a few hours prior.

When Penny got out of the shower, she dressed herself in old ratty Pj's and cautiously climbed into her bed. She checked her phone, only to be met with a few questioning texts from MJ, which she ignored, and one new message from Tony Stark himself (much to her surprise).

1 New Message 11:57pm

Tony Stark-

Hey kid, Avenger's meeting tomorrow at 10am, I'll have Happy pick you up.

Shit.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't possibly face him, not after everything that had happened. 

But she missed Tony. She missed being by his side in the lab, and no matter how mad she was at him, the part of her that longed for that fatherly connection outweighed her bitter thoughts. So she replied a quick 'sounds good' and set her phone down for the night. 

Hands roaming, teeth biting, can'tbreathercan'tbreathecan'tbreathecan'tbreathe

Penny rose with a shout, panting wildly. 

Just a dream.

No..

not really.

Early morning light flooded through her curtains, and she glanced at her alarm clock.

5:57am Saturday, August 25th, 2018. 

Day One. 

Day one, week one, of living through this new hell that was her life. 

Knowing sleep was a joke at this point, Penny swung her legs over the side of her bed and made her way to the kitchen. The idea of eating anything made her stomach church violently, but she couldn't exactly pass out in front of Tony and the Avengers today, so a bagel it was. 

“Penny? What're you doing up so early?” Penny turned to witness May exiting her room, dressed in her scrubs.

“Nothing, just was hungry.” Penny replied, voice rough.

May quirked an eyebrow while she busied herself with making her coffee. 

“You sure, you seem...off.” May finished as she took a sip out of her to-go mug.

“I-uh, I have to tell you som-” Penny was cut off by May's phone blaring it's alarm. 

“Oh geez, it's already 6:15! I'm gonna miss the subway! There's left over Thai in the fridge for later FYI, and I'm going out with Dylan tonight, so don't wait up. Bye, I love you!” May was already out the door before Penny could process what had just happened.

She blinked heavily, turned, and made here way back to her room, bagel forgotten.

 

Penny spent the rest of her morning doing damage control. She took her clothes from the night before and bagged them in a trash bag and stuffed them in the back of her closet. She then proceeded to take two more showers, just to be sure she got the grimy feeling off of her skin (by the second shower, she deemed that it would never come off, that she'd be marked forever). 

The bruises had already faded on her neck and arms, but the deep purple and yellow marks on her thighs and hips were still extremely prominent. She did puke this time, remembering how they got there. 

Still, after wiping the bile from her mouth after heaving over the toilet, Penny got dressed. She got dressed and did her hair and makeup, and put on some black jeans and a nice blue blouse. Today was going to be fine, she told herself. This was awful, and she didn't really know what to do. But she was going to bury her brokenness for right now, put on a smile, and pretend like she hadn't been feeling abandoned by the one man who she thought of as a father. She'd shake hands with stupid Steve Rogers, and everyone else, sign whatever papers she needed, and get the hell out of there. Shake, sign, and leave, she decided. 

She felt her phone vibrate, a text from Happy telling her he was outside. She grabbed her purse and slowly made her way down the steps of the apartment and out the front door. Happy was waiting next the signature black Audi, with a frown placed on his face. 

“Hey kid, long time no see. Boss seems excited to see you too, we're just heading up to the Compound-hey, you okay?” Happy stopped abruptly, finally looking at Penny. She was sure he could see her tired eyes, bored expression, and dark circles that no amount of concealer seemed to fix.

“Yeah, I'm fine, just tired. Ready?” Even Penny herself could hear how monotone and dead her voice sounded. Happy's eyebrows raised slightly, but he just nodded and motioned for her to get in the car.

The drive to the Compound was about an hour and a half, and when they got there, Penny somehow still found herself being floored by the magnificent architecture. The ride had been silent, only after Happy's attempts at small talk failed. 

After parking, they both made their way up to conference level. Apparently today they were going over the edited Accords, and Penny was dreading every second of it. When she entered the elevator, she was greeted by F.R.I.D.A.Y. 

“Hello Penny, it has been a while. Shall I notify Boss you've arrived?” the sweet Scottish accent filled the room, making Penny jump. She had forgotten how abrupt F.R.I.D.A.Y could be.

“Already did, Fri. Thanks though.” Happy murmured. 

The elevators doors, opened, and Penny's grasp on her purse tightened. In front of her was an extravagant conference room. But it wasn't the magnificently long wooden table, or the beautiful floral centerpiece, but the Avengers staring back at her that truly grabbed Penny's attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment telling me your thoughts, I want to hear what you guys think!


	3. you're nowhere to be seen, but you're still drowning me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But then something shifted, and all she could feel was his hands, and breath, and not being able to breathe. It was like someone stuck a vacuum inside her lungs, sucking all the air out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've fully planned out this fic now, so I'm just writing and posting as I go! thanks for all the kudos, pleeeasssee leave a comment, i LOVE reading them!!
> 
> love you guys :)

“Penny! You made it! It's so good to see you!” Pepper greeted Penny with her award winning smile, and then she was being escorted into the big fancy room. 

Penny did a quick sweep of the room, seeing who all was there. Cap, obviously, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda, Vision, all lined one side of the table. Rhodey, Clint Barton, Scott Lang, and the man himself, Tony Stark, lined the opposite side. 

She could feel eyes on her as she moved to sit in the empty seat next to Tony, and she wrung her hands nervously. She nodded at him, and acknowledgment that he was there, but that was all she was giving him.

“Hey kid, long time no see, sorry about that. But hey, we're here now!” Tony chuckled as he attempted to lay a hand on Penny's shoulder, which she instinctively dodged. His eyebrows shot up out of confusion, but she just stared straight ahead, her eyes settling on some generic painting of the ocean above Natasha's head. 

All eyes were on her, but she refused to meet any of them. She couldn't, shake, sign, leave, was her plan. Maybe skip shake. The idea of touching anyone right now made her physically sick. Penny was slowly realizing that this was a bad idea. 

“Okay, well, now that everyone is here, let's get started.” Pepper spoke to break the awkward tension. 

The next two hours drug on and on, and Penny felt the bullet lodged in her gut shift. She had been able to keep her cool throughout the meeting, nodding and smiling in all the right places. She signed where she needed to, and she thought she might actually be able to keep her lid on. But then something shifted, and all she could feel was his hands, and breath, and not being able to breathe. It was like someone stuck a vacuum inside her lungs, sucking all the air out. 

She could sense Tony stealing glances at her throughout the meeting, but now he was staring at her.

“Penny? You okay?” he whispered, while Steve was droning on in front of everyone about Section 42 paragraph something. 

She tried to nod back yes, because of course she was okay. She had to be. She was Spider-Girl, and she was in a meeting with the Avengers, and of course she was fine. But the air in her lungs was absent and she felt dizzy, just like how she felt dizzy last night, and she didn't want it to happen again. To be weak and defenseless and for that to happen again. 

“Penny, are you okay? Penny, look at me!” Tony was now full on talking, and Steve stopped, everyone's eyes landing on Penny. She felt this impending doom and she struggled to breathe, and suddenly the lights were too bright, the sounds of cars and people drinking coffee and scratching their legs through their pants and footsteps and it was all too loud. She could feel her fingers and toes go numb and everything seemed like a blur.

“She's having a panic attack, we need to help her breathe.” Natasha piped up, and Tony's face morphed into one of shock. 

“Hey Pen, you're okay. Just breathe with me. Like this.” Tony was now fully facing Penny, who was shaking like crazy. He breathed in all exaggerated, and out multiple times. Penny just shook her head. 

“I-I can't b-breathe-” she muttered out, her chest rising and falling abnormally. All she could feel was hands and lips on her neck and breath, and she couldn't do it.

She felt a hand slowly grab one of hers, and she looked up to be met with green eyes. 

“Hey Penny, I'm Nat. I need you feel my pulse.” Nat spoke slowly and cautiously, as she raised one of Penny's hands onto her chest, right over her heart. 

“Feel that? That's my heart, I need you to match your breathing with my heart. Yeah, just like that, 4 beats in, 4 beats out. Yeah, you got it.”

Penny could feel the woman's pulse and slowly, but surely, she was able to come out of the haze and into reality. The fog that had clouded her brain began to dissipate, and she found herself on the floor, up against the wall, with THE Black Widow crouching in front of her. She could see Tony hunched over in his swivel chair, facing Penny as well. All eyes were on her, and she quickly glanced away.

“Penny, why don't we take you to Medbay, get you somewhere quiet to lay down?” Pepper spoke quietly from Penny's other side. She hadn't notice the strawberry blonde standing next to her. Penny flinched at the words, all too familiar to the phrase spoken to her the previous night. But she nodded anyway.

 

The bed was soft, Penny noticed as she stirred. She blinked blearily, white ceiling tiles coming into focus.

“Penny? Hey, Pen.” she could hear a familiar voice, and she turned her head to be met with brown eyes.

“Tony?” she slurred.

“Hey Penny, you're in the Medbay, remember? You had a pretty nasty panic attack, so we brought you here so you could rest.” he explained, concern lacing his features. 

Suddenly everything started rushing back to her, and she remembered the panic attack, the steady heartbeat of one very famous assassin, the worried look on Tony's face that he was still sporting. 

She felt his hand on hers, and she looked at him quizzically.

“Why do you care?” her voice held no malice, just true confusion and defeat.

Why now? Why was he all of a sudden falling over himself to make sure she was okay? Where had he been when she truly needed him? If he had just answered her, if he hadn't blocked her out, maybe she wouldn't have gone to that stupid party. Maybe she would've been in the lab, working on something for spider-girl instead of...of what did happen. 

“What kind of question is that? Why do I care? Because Penny, you had a melt down on my conference room floor and I'm not just gonna ignore that!” He paused for a moment to look into Penny's eyes, his stare intense. “You're-you're my kid Pen. I always take care of you.”

Retracting her hand from his, she frowned. Disappointment flashed through his eyes. 

“Then where have you been?” she whispered.

Tony sighed, running a hand over his face.

“The shit with Cap, it wasn't easy. It was messy, and there was fighting, and thought it was better if, I don't know, it seems like it was obviously dumb now, but...I guess I just wanted to protect you from it? If it all fell apart the way it did the first time, I wanted to keep you as far away from it this time. I didn't want you getting confused or hurt.” Tony finished, and Penny could see the sincerity in his expression. 

“You can't keep me from things Tony, I'm almost an adult now, seriously. I'm not the same little 14 year old kid you found in Queens all those years ago. I can make my own decisions. I understand what you were trying to do now, but it really hurt, being cut off like that. It felt awful.” Penny said, quickly wiping a few tears that escaped. 

His face softened at that.

“I see that now, my methods were plain stupid. I'm sorry. But Penny, don't pretend I haven't been keeping tabs on you. Spider-Girl hasn't been seen since June, Pen? You don't have to talk about it right now, but we gotta soon.” He said softly.

Penny felt guilt settle on top of the bullet lodged in her gut. Two terrible feelings. 

“Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just, I kind of lost myself this summer. I've done stupid things. I didn't wanna drag Spider-Girl into my mess. It was better if I took a break so I didn't fuck up out in the field, you know?” she mumbled, playing with her fingers. 

Tony nodded and placed his hand back on top of hers.

“I gotcha Pen. Just know I'm here now. It'll be okay.” He smiled that million dollar smile.

If only you knew how absolutely not okay it is, she thought.


	4. a precautionary tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He probably drank from that drinking fountain. Which one of the hundreds of lockers was his? How many times did he walk these halls, passing her, neither of them knowing what he was going to do to her?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SUCK!
> 
> I'm so sorry guys :( I've been gone for waaayyyy too long, I just lost inspo and then some personal shit happened, and im super sorrryy. 
> 
> but im back! enjoy! leave a comment <3

“That'll be $52.49.” the elderly woman drawled, while looking Penny up and down judgmentally.

Penny handed her the emergency credit card May had given her when she'd turned 16 the previous year, and took the bag handed to her. She quickly made her way out of the CVS kitty corner to her apartment, tugging her sweatshirt tighter around her. Sure, it was 91 degrees out at the moment, but something about the cozy Midtown crew neck brought her comfort. It helped her hide, to feel less seen. Considering her past 24 hours, that's all she wanted.

When Happy had dropped her off about 6pm that night, after an awkward but hopeful departure from Tony, she had immediately changed out of the tight pants and scratchy blouse and into leggings and her sweatshirt. She'd then grabbed her purse and set out on her mission.

Now back at home, Penny entered her bathroom, locking it and unwrapping the box from the bag. She flipped it over onto the back, reading the directions, and popped one of the Plan B pills into her mouth, swallowing. She then pulled her phone out, setting an alarm for 12 hours in the future to take the next one. After hiding the box in the back of her closet, Penny plopped down on her bed.

Today had sucked, to put it lightly. Not only had she had a meltdown/panic attack in front of THE Avengers, but she had also cried like a baby in front her mentor, whom she idolized. And then, of course, after the cringey, tearful goodbye, she had almost had a second panic attack on the way home when she remembered that there had been no...protection. No thought, no care. Of course not, not when Kevin Conners was so careless about everything else. So she'd decided what she had to do. 

She was grateful for one thing, though. The previous year Tony and her had done a full blood and DNA work up, analyzing all the anomalies from the spider bite. She found out a lot more about her advanced healing, and she was able to understand that not only was she able to fight off diseases, but she was also immune to them. 

Tony had made some stupid joke about her being able to party in college more, due to her inability to catch any STD's. She had sputtered and blushed, and he had just laughed harder. It was a funny memory, up until the past day, where it had become useful. 

Penny was grateful.  
And she hated it.  
Hated that she had to be grateful at all. 

 

The rest of her weekend had consisted of her hiding under her covers until Monday morning, where she'd forced herself to perform basic hygiene like showering and shoving an apple and some toast down her throat. She knew she needed more, but that was another thing Kevin Conners had taken from her, an appetite.

Chattering voices filled the courtyard as Penny made her way up the front steps of Midtown. Leggings and one of Ben's old sweatshirts was all she could muster up wearing, her curly hair still slightly damp. Both of her hands grasped the straps of her backpack tightly, while she weaved in and out of friend reunions to her locker. 

Suddenly, pain erupted throughout her right shoulder as a “Watch it!” was hollered into her ear. Looking up angrily at who caused her discomfort, Penny was met with dark hazel eyes. And suddenly she couldn't breathe. He met her gaze briefly, before departing down the hallway, yet she couldn't seem to get a single breath in. 

Darting into the girl's bathroom, Penny locked herself in the furthest stall and she continued to hyperventilate. 

he'sherehe'sherehe'sherehe'sherehe'sherehe'shere

How could she have been so stupid? For some insane reason, the thought of seeing of him at school didn't cross her mind. Maybe it was because they'd never interacted before the party, or because they never had any classes together or ran in the same circles. 

But of course, of course she would run into him. He was here, and just like her body that first night, she could feel him everywhere. As she made her way back to her locker after catching her breath, she could feel him, even through the crowd of kids. He probably drank from that drinking fountain. Which one of the hundreds of lockers was his? How many times did he walk these halls, passing her, neither of them knowing what he was going to do to her?

“Penny?” Penny swiveled around to be met with a curious MJ and an overly excited Ned.

Before she could resist, she was met with a big bear hug from Ned, and it took her a moment to return it. Slowly, her arms encircled his, and then he was talking a mile a minute.

“Holy shit dude, it's so good to see you! It's been like an entire month, how crazy is that?! I got you a T-Shirt from Manila, you have to come over to get it! You too MJ!...” Ned continued to ramble as the trio made their way to their first period that they all skillfully chose together, Mr. Persinger's Advanced Lit class. 

Penny tuned him out, only after nodding along and humming in all the right places. She was preoccupied making sure he wasn't lurking behind any corners. One more thing Kevin Conners took from her, trust.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment letting me know what you think, I'd love to hear your thoughts!!


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